SCOUSE GOLFWAR

FOOTBALL: Liverpool and Wales striker Chris Broadview will cop an £80,000 fine for the drunken row that has shamed Liverpool. Furious boss Chacha Benidorm is going to war after Broadview lashed out at teammate Jimmy Sinatra with a golf club, thought to be a TaylorMade six or seven iron. Benidorm read the riot act to his players yesterday as a storm raged over Friday’s boozy night out in Portugal. Sinatra is also set to be disciplined.
Broadview and Sinatra first clashed as the Kop stars let their hair down at Monty’s karaoke bar in Vale Do Lobo. It is believed that Sinatra refused to join in the karaoke capering so Broadview, who had been frantically searching all night for someone to sing ‘I Got You Babe’ with, chased him home to the hotel and attacked him with the golf club.
The Wales striker’s Anfield future is now in the melting pot, though both men put on a show of affection at Liverpool’s Melwood training ground yesterday. At one point, Sinatra playfully patted Broadview’s behind at which point Broadview theatrically threw himself to the floor and pretended to be Ian Woosnam
Benidorm said last night: “I met with the entire first-team squad this morning and to be fair they all looked totally wasted so it must have been a sturdy night. Sinatra was limping visibly and Broadview’s plus fours didn’t even match his training top.
“I made it clear to all of them the responsibilities that come with playing for this club and the way they are expected to conduct themselves on and off the pitch. The players worked hard at last week’s training camp. But we will discipline them with golf clubs and see how they like it. Anyone found to have breached R&A dress code rules will be severely punished. The players accept the decision I have taken.”
The case continues…
Isporty would like to hear from you if you’ve ever been involved in any ‘on tour’ capering, which has shamed you, your family and the nation. Has anyone ever chased you with a niblick because you can’t sing very well? Let us know….

UPDATE: Following last night's 2-1 win over Barcelona during which both John Arne Riise and Craig Bellamy scored (you couldn't make this shit up!) boss Rafa Benitez has decided to let Bellamy off and put the whole thing down to temporary insanity. Ahhhh...

THE WRONG GONG

CRICKET: Those smug Aussies who spent the winter mocking Paul Collingwood's MBE are on course to collect their own OBEs at the World Cup - Out Before Easter. That’s right. There they were thinking they were the best team in the world, unbeatable in every competition and therefore quite entitled to being given a big award by someone important, and suddenly everyone from Luxembourg to England start beating them. Ha, ha, bloody ha, you arrogant, conceited halfwits. Paul Collingwood getting an MBE? What a bloody joke, you say. What, the bloke who knocked you losers all over the park whenever he felt like it? Is that the bloke? MBEs — just for winning a cricket match – complete joke is it? In that case none of you will mind giving your awards to me and I will pass them on to the England B team who might be feeling a bit left out of all this.
isporty would like to know if you’ve ever been caught short slagging off a trophy or award because you never thought you’d win one and then got offered one and had to admit you’re a spineless, hypocritical twat? Let us know…